1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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