Tell her she can't have a vagina
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
