either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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