the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
