road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
