His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
