Porn is love you can see.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I cut my penus on the lid.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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