I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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