So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
