In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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