I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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