Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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