It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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