Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize