You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
