New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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