I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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