I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize