Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
