So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
