even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
