Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If I die, sorry about rent.
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