We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
