Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
