i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
