I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
