I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize