i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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