Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
