He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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