Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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