if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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