I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize