i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
