Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
no, he came in my armpit
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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