I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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