What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
