tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
