im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
