32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
