just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
