i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
