hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
