I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize