What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
