did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
