Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
