return my video game
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
