I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
