So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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