I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
