I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
