PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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