I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
