nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
