When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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