At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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