So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
