you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
