i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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