Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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