so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize