i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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