so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
