I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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