he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
