...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
