She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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