From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
