Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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