does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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