i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
