I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
